I am not sure why, when I was dealing with infertility for 13 years, so many mothers either stayed silent or looked at with me pity and said I was missing out on the Greatest Thing Ever. They rarely shared with me motherhood hardships. I had to figure out the upside of being childless, and embrace a life without a child.
And now that I am nearly 7 months pregnant, I am not sure why so many mothers congratulate me and then share all these AWFUL things (sleepless nights, subjugation of personal dreams, no time to write, no time to groom, your vajayjay will no longer be the same, etc.,) about motherhood.
Couldn’t they have switched the juxtaposition? Why not tell me how hard motherhood is, when I couldn’t be a mother? And tell me about motherhood’s joys when I’m pregnant?
And either way, I’m going to have to deal with my life. I’m going to have to figure it out. Why not at least be kind?
I am going hysterical with panic about writing and motherhood.
A large chunk of her talk focused on “writing like a motherfucker, during which Cheryl discussed “motherfuckertude.”
And whodathunkit: in reviewing her words last night, they are the VERY things I need to hear with regard to this whole panic about motherhood and writing.
Here are a handful of quotes from Cheryl Strayed last night:
“Being a motherfucker is a way of life, really. Having strength instead of fragility. And leaning hard into work rather than anxiety.”
“I actually think true motherfuckerhood has to do with humility, doing the work. Resilience and faith, being a warrior.”
“Being a motherfucker is about digging really deep. About going beneath the surface to find the truest thing.”
And there you have it. I’ve gotta be a motherfucker about my writing. I feel better now. Juxtaposition wins–I thank my good friend Nova for inviting me to the talk last night. Her kindness and generosity juxtaposed with my panic. Cheryl Strayed’s kindness and wisdom juxtaposed with my panic. It can overcome so much.
I’ve been a motherfucker before. I can be a motherfucker again.