Gizoogle

The news is pissing me off these days. So I offer up two things as cure…

1. My kid bouncing in her jumperoo on instagram video.

2. Gizoogle–Fo’ all y’all biotches who wanna find shiznit! (their tagline, not mine)

Guys, I cracked up when I saw my about page on Gizoogle, wherein I am renamed “Chrizzle Lee Zilka.”:

Welcome yo. Hoes call me Chrizzle Lee Zilka, n’ I spend mah time writing, reading, motherin mah daughter, obsessin bout mah wiener dawgs, backpackin n’ bustin yoga, baking, cookin (and smokin), traveling, n’ missin NYC whenever I’m not up in NYC. I also happen ta be a stroke survivor (in stroke speak: left thalamic stroke 12/31/06, caused by a PFO, closed June 2007). Blizzay posts here will likely range along dem topics.

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ mah straight-up legit bio:

Chrizzle Lee Zilka is tha Fiction Editor at Kartika Review yo. Her work has rocked up or is forthcomin up in journals n’ anthologies like fuckin ZYZZYVA, Guernica, Verbsap, Yomimono, Newport Review, and Men Undressed: Booty Authors Write Bout Male Sexuizzle Experience. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was awarded a residency at Hedgebrook up in 2006, placed as a gangbangin’ finalist up in Poets n’ Writas Magazine’s Writas Exchange Contest up in 2007, n’ received a honorable mention up in Glimmer Train’s Fiction Open up in 2009.

Yo, she gots her undergraduate degree from UC Berkeley n’ MFA up in Creatizzle Freestylin from Mills College. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch has a novel up in progress.

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ mah super-short bio:

Wants ta be Gryffindor yo, but is straight-up Hufflepuff.

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ mah honest thug bio:

Chrizzle works at a gangbangin’ finger-lickin’ dinin room table surrounded by pilez of teachin shiznit n’ hustla papers dat need constant gradin n’ dat biiiiatch writes wit a needy geriatric wiener dawg whoz ass smells like corn chip Fritos on her lap n’ another needy wiener dawg wit feral game tendencies whoz ass is up ta no phat somewhere up in tha kitchen. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch dotes on her homeboy whoz ass dotes on her n’ together they git all up in her sporadic freestylin self esteem troughs dat sometimes battle everyday n’ sometimes leave her ridin’ solo fo’ weeks. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch should be hustlin n’ exercisin yo, but instead her ass is bakin dem scooby snacks n’ smokin em. By her muthafuckin ass. In front of her laptop. Tryin ta revise her novel. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is straight-up pale.

Yo ass can also find mah crazy ass on a gangbangin’ chicken Snoop Bloggy-Blogg called Muffin Top dat I share wit playas.