“How’s your novel coming along?”
non-writers people ask me this question, no matter how sincere the intention, I hear it spoken in an impatient or mocking tone, ala Stewie from the Family Guy (so painfully hilarious).  Non-Writers People ask me about my novel a lot these days. Of course they do–I quit my tech job last summer, and I’m on sabbatical from my teaching job (yes, I had two jobs for awhile), and my life is to now write/revise my novel everyday. It’s clearly my passion, and they’ve no idea what else I must be doing.
This question is asked of me every time I’m at a cocktail party. As a conversation opener. And about 30 seconds after I’ve crossed the threshold of my former office (and my husband’s current workplace). They ask about my novel, even before they ask how I’m doing.
“Hey Christine! How’s your novel coming along?”
My non-writer friends, when they hear me whine about this, say, “At least people care.” As in, “It’s a normal question.”
Do you really all care?
Will 100% of you really buy my book when it’s published? Do you know what an agonizing query this is? One that makes me feel tired and self-doubting and judged and scared and naked? One that then makes me feel guilty, because I do understand you ask out of good intentions, even though it makes me wince?
Do you know that instead of asking me “How’s your novel coming along?” you could say any of the following things:
- “I can’t wait to BUY and read your novel when it’s done!”
- “I know your novel will be amazing.”
- “I think it’s so exciting that you’re taking a leap and writing your novel.”
- “I support you in your novel writing/revision.”
- “May I bake you some cookies or raisin walnut bread to eat while you rewrite your novel?”
- “I hope your novel revision/rewrite is going well! Would you like some chocolate?”
- “When will you be finished writing the novel?” OHWAIT. Don’t ask that, either. I have no idea. I thought I’d be finished by now. My friend, when pregnant with triplets was understandably HUGE by her fifth month of pregnancy. People would ask when she was due, and when she stated a date four months into the future, their eyebrows would raise and they’d say things like, “Oh wow! You’re HUGE.” And another friend, who is pregnant with twins, gets the same things. Needless to say, they HATE the “due date” question. Same here. I think I’m having novel quintuplets, and I’m about four months pregnant with this novel in “novel-time.” Yah, it’s going to take awhile.
My writer friends know that “How’s your novel coming along?” is an agonizing query. It’s like getting asked how your fetus is doing–an intrusive question at best.
So here’s how my novel is coming along…
It gives me heartburn. Sometimes it kicks me from the inside at an inconvenient moment, or perhaps close to my liver and it gives me pain. Other times, the kicks delight me.
I felt my novel quicken and kick me last year, after I finished the first draft.
Now I feel it swirl and dance.
My novel makes me feel bloated.
My novel makes me nauseous.
My novel makes me crave certain foods.
My novel makes me feel alive. My novel has a heartbeat.
I often fear that this novel won’t make it. That somewhere during the creative process, I’ll lose my grasp on it. That it will just wither and die. And that it will all be my fault. And that you’ll all ask me how it’s going, when in fact, it died inside of me.
I want this novel to be amazing. I am putting all my hopes and dreams into this novel.
I fear this novel won’t be amazing to anyone but me. That I will send it out into the world, and no one will like it.
If no one likes this novel, I will have to put it in my closet, where it will live to the end of its days, visited by no one but me.
I project all my fears onto my novel.
I project all my hope onto my novel.
My novel is getting heavy.
My novel gets bigger every month.
My novel’s features are beginning to sharpen.
My novel looks a little like me, but not really like me, either.
My novel takes everything I have.
That’s how my novel is doing. It’s not done. It will be done. It cannot, at this point, live without me as a host. The only people who get to “see it,” are people who can read a rough draft manuscript, which is the “ultrasound-equivalent” of writing. I love my novel. I hope you will love, it too.
The second question is “What’s your novel about?” And I”ll talk about that in a subsequent post.
 Stewie’s monologue on “How’s that novel coming along?” used to be my cellphone ringer.